薄荷绿茶

Saturday, December 31, 2005

31st December 2005 Saturday

世界上有两种人。第一种是懂得爱人的人,第二种则反之。
懂得爱人的人,眼光触及爱情里的每个角落,不做作,不虚伪,付出的时候尽全力付出,忘了自己的存在,累到忘了累,苦到不觉苦,不求留给自己什么,却担心还没有给对方什么,心记所有的幸福路径,心系所有感情累赘,对方给予的一丝一毫搂在怀里珍惜,对方忽略的粗心大意给自己理由安慰自己,对方默视的冷冰用自己的热情融解并且忘记,对方所做出来的选择伤透了自己也没关系,永远与对方站在同一阵线,即使阵线上的土地,满布着椒毒黑气,只要对方能幸福,自己愿意当牺牲品。
听起来沉重是吗?
在懂得爱的人的心里,这些事,家常便饭,甘之如饴。听过太多懂爱的人,在深夜里的电话那端诉说着他爱上不懂爱的人之后心中的酸楚,那些痛苦往往能够轻易的透过电话线传递过来,也引起我的心酸。
我说:“那么,你还想继续下去吗?”
电话那头:“这不是想不想的问题”
我说:“不然呢?”
电话那头:“我只有继续下去这一条路可走,我别无选择”
我说:“是爱给的太多吗?”电话那头:“不,是在她尚未真正幸福前,我放不下手。”
他痛苦吗?
或许是,但他在痛苦中找到甜蜜。
我在这样的对话里,曾经深深的迷失过。因为电话那头的他,有的是人追,而他的心里,却容不下别人对他的喜欢。试问,在追求他的人心中,他不也是不懂得爱的人吗?
在爱与被爱当中,其实是一次又一次的轮回,一次又一次的相互覆盖。
甲爱乙,乙爱丙,丙爱丁,而丁爱的是甲。
那甲的心中,乙是不懂爱的人,在乙的心中,丙是不懂爱的人。。。
我觉得痛苦,爱情本身那么简单,为什么这么多纠缠?
两个人的世界里两个人相爱,别人进不来,不是就没了迷乱?
后来发现爱情不简单,所以难过与遗憾会一直一直存在。
走进这样的感情循环,不怕你走不出来,只怕你身在其中还以为自己从来没有踏进去过。

~<<有个女孩叫Feeling>>---藤井树~

在我的心里,你何尝不是一个不懂爱的人。。。。。。

31st December 2005 Saturday

Met up with QH, Fion and YM last night. Been ages since I last saw Fion and QH and they were commenting about how hard it was to get me out. Am I really that anti-social? Had KFC's fiery flava chicken again for dinner. The chicken taste normal, as usual and the sweet and spicy sauce tasted as lousy as ever. Chilled out there for about two hours talking about the relationships of those around us. We were touching on the topic of how tiring it is for one to be always giving without being reciprocated when that topic sort of set me thinking. Haven't we always heard about true love being one in which you give and never expect to be reciprocated? Then if it was tiring giving without receiving, then wouldn't that not be true love? I guess that is the difference between ideality and reality. They just ain't the same. Just like it would be ideal if the world was without borders, without wars and everyone love each other like his own. But is that really possible? That also applies to the theory on true love. I do not mean that there aren't guys out there who give without expecting anything in return. I meant that even if such guys exists, there is bound to be a hidden hope deep inside to be given the same amount of love as that which is given. Even if there isn't such a hidden hope, there is bound to be some form of tiredness after doing so much and not getting anything in return. It is like shouting at a wall to get out of your way. You really do not expect it to answer and acede to your request. But it does get tiring after shouting for an hour or so won't it? And if you are thinking about those guys who think that it is more important for the other party to be blissful, even at the expense of their own bliss, the chance of you finding one in this modern world is as good as the chance of you finding a dinosaur in the middle of Orchard Road. You can imagine the odds.

Training hard to love without being loved......

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

28th December 2005 Wednesday

时间,只能证明爱的深浅
就像分手多年后再一次想见
你永远三十度C手的温度
你不变深邃眼眸里的晶隧
我就会再度记起当年爱你的回忆
爱你的酸甜
时间,果然只能证明爱的深浅
所以,忘记你需要的不是时间

~<<听笨金鱼唱歌>>---藤井树~

Monday, December 26, 2005

26th December 2005 Monday

要忘记一个你深爱的人,或许,只能靠着时间,和另一个深爱你的人。
也许,时间只能证明爱的深浅,也许,爱你的人只能默默地,在你身边,听着,守着,存在着,
也或许,最终,过了一段阴暗无光,也无星子也无月的夜,天亮之后,海阔天空,我们都会幸福。

~<<听笨金鱼唱歌>>---藤井树~

Sunday, December 25, 2005

25th December 2005 Sunday

Christmas day. I would have been asleep at this hour if not for the amount of caffeine that I put in my body earlier on. Spent my first few hours of Christmas in a cinema in Jurong Point watching "King Kong" with my sister. I guess that is the benefit of staying near a shopping centre. You get to enjoy midnight shows without worrying about transport after the show. "King Kong" wasn't too bad a show though I find some parts of it really draggy. Maybe it is partly because of the fact that I watched it so late at night. But in my personal opinion, I think the three hour film could be shortened to two and a half hours without any loss of storyline. But well, this is just but my personal opinion.

Got an unexpected message from an unexpected someone during the film. Been ages since I last saw or contacted her. Not that I didn't want to keep in touch. Was just afraid of being viewed as a pest. Another of my personal opinion I guess. Anyway, hope she has a great great Christmas today. That also goes to everyone out there. I don't really celebrate Christmas. But I really do hope that the world will be ever the more warmer during such a special occasion. Merry Christmas to all. May the world be filled with smiles on this very special day.

Saturday, December 24, 2005

24th December 2005 Friday

24th December. Wee morning of Christmas Eve. How great it would be if it does snow in Singapore. It must be a real scene looking out of your frost covered window at the white snow in such a night. Too bad that is but a dream that will never materialise. An early Merry Christmas to everyone out there. Have a really great Christmas.

24th December 2005 Friday

All I want for Christmas is you......

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

20th December 2005 Tuesday

Went for Christmas shopping yesterday. Finally bought my gift for the Christmas gift exchange on Friday. Bought a..... Oops. I can't say. Gotta keep it a secret till Friday. Hee. Shall reveal it on Friday if I feel like it. For those of you who know, Ssshhhhh k? Really looking forward to the coming long weekend and Christmas. Can't wait for it to come. I guess I am just not suited for working life. I get tired too easily. Too playful I guess. Well, don't argue. I am playful even though you don't see me out of my home too often. You don't have to go out to be playful k? Hmm. Maybe not really playful, just plain lazy I suppose. I am thinking of giving myself a treat and getting myself a not too expensive, but likeable Christmas gift. Any ideas anyone? I can't really think of something that I like. So is there anyone out there who knows me more than I know myself? I know!!! All I want for Christmas is...... I must be mad!

Saturday, December 17, 2005

17th December 2005 Saturday

喜欢听很久没听的唱片。
因为它能让我回忆起第一次听到那首歌的情景。
因为它能让我回忆起第一次听到那首歌的感动。
因为它能让我回忆起第一次听到那首歌的地方。
因为它能让我回忆起第一次听到那首歌的心痛。
因为它能能让我回忆起第一次听到那首歌时第一时间想到的你。。。。。。。

Monday, December 12, 2005

12th December 2005 Monday

At some point in life, we are bound to set goals for ourselves. As we have learnt from goal setting theory, for a goal to be motivating, it has to be set a little high, a little beyond easy reach. And so, we set our high goals.

At some point further in life, after much hard work, we achieved our goals. We are happy and everyone was happy for us and our efforts were very much appreciated. As time passes, we strive to maintain our hard work and continued achieving the goals set. However, as time passes, achieving your goals no longer seem good enough in the eyes of others. So much so that achieving goals became viewed as a norm. So much so that achieving your goals is no longer good enough. In contrast, not achieving your goals becomes a fault.

Do you see the dilemma over there?

Sunday, December 11, 2005

11th December 2005 Sunday

今天闲着无聊就又挖出了熟悉的书来看了一遍。再次看完了<<第一次亲密的接触>>后的心情仍如往常般- 蓝蓝的,酸酸的。。。。。。

我关上了灯,让黑暗将我包围住。因为我希望能想象她也同时在黑暗中的感受。原来人在黑暗中,最容易感受到的,就是孤单。

11th December 2005 Sunday

当喜悦无人分享。
当哀伤无人理解。
当气愤无人察觉。
当快乐无法传递。
喜怒哀乐又有何意义?

Saturday, December 10, 2005

10th December 2005 Saturday

Went out with CW, HW, K, ZH and A for dinner after work last night. Yesterday was one rare occasion that we got to knock off early. And early means 4pm. And the only reason why we were allowed to go early was because Deloitte is having their Dinner and Dance yesterday night. A dinner and dance that we interns are not invited to. Sad. But well, I guess I am also glad to be let off early for once instead of going to yet another social occasion. Went home to change off my formal office wear before meeting the whole jean gang. (>A: See? I learnt a new phrase. "Whole jean gang". Now you can't "suan" my English again.) Met the gang at seven at City Hall and set off to a curry flavor house in the vicinity for dinner under the recommendation of K. Well, I must admit that I am really a mountain turtle. I don't even know that such a place exists in the vicinity of City Hall. I must have really been living in the hills. That aside, the food at the curry flavor house was quite nice and filling. I took the soft shell crab curry and I kinda like the glooey curry. That curry was kinda unique when you have been tasting watery curry for the whole of your life thus far. Chatted there as we waited up for Banker ZH to arrive after his work. Me, CW, HW and A finished our food before ZH arrived whilst K took his own sweet time to savour the taste of his rice and curry. As they contented themselves looking at the girl with the laptop sitting behind us as we waited for our banker, I was satisfied putting my attention on someone else. *Wink* ZH arrived at eight plus and we began bombarding him with questions of the banking world that everyone is interested in. I have always thought that bankers lead less stressful lives and enjoy shorter working hours compared to auditors. However, under the enlightenment of our brilliant ZH, I realised how wrong I was. I guess there just isn't such a thing as high pay and less work. Just as they always say - There is no free lunch in this world. After the dinner, the gang surprised me with a belated birthday present. I received two ties as a gift from them. Special thanks to the gang for such a practical gift. I guess they are also bored of seeing me in the same tie everytime we had to wear a tie. =p But I appreciate the gift. Thanks.

Was kinda reluctant to leave my object of attention when it finally came to the time to leave the curry flavor house. HW and A left for the PWC bash at Newsroom Bar after we left the place while me, ZH and CW went to chill out at Pacific Coffee. Was once again reminded of how mountain turtle I am when I don't even know that there is a Raffles Link right beside City Link. Gosh. Anyway, I find it kinda nice to be sitting around with a few friends, just chatting and having something to drink. Oh and I must mention that the iced chocolate is slightly too sweet for comfort. Hope I don't get diabates for it. =p The day ended at ten plus as me, ZH and K left for home and CW left to look for his gf. That concludes the third Friday night of my Professional Attachment. Five more weeks to go. Hope every Friday night will be as interesting as yesterday. Maybe I should make it a point to visit the curry flavor house every Friday. *Wink* Haha. Just kidding. =p

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

7th December 2005 Wednesday

高高挂在天空上发光到底是怎样的一种感觉?是因为站得比所有的人还高的骄傲?是没人陪伴的孤寂?是没人了解的心酸?还是闪烁的快乐?我不知道。因为我不是那颗高高挂在天空上发光的那颗星。但如果有机会,我也想尝试作那一颗星,作守护你的那一颗星。

人们羡慕星星的亮丽,却不知星星是否也在无尽的夜空里羡慕着我们。。。。。。

Sunday, December 04, 2005

4th December 2005 Sunday

Watched "A Cinderella's Story" on video last night. Nice show. Somehow that show set me thinking. Thinking about being true to yourself and not pretending to be someone that you are not. Thinking about standing up for what you believe in. Thinking about fairy tales, whether they come true. I guess the importance of fairy tales lies not in whether they ever do exist. To me, their importance lies in the fact that they in themselves are a portrait of an ideal world, a world where the good live happily ever after and the bad always gets punished. To me, believing in the existence of fairy tales brings hope, a false hope and feel of living in an ideal world. A world where both you and me are main characters in the tale and not some insignificant character in a cruel world. A world where both you and me are princes and princesses. A world where happily ever after is a descriptor that exists. A world where we could be what we want to be. A world that does not exist......

Saturday, December 03, 2005

3rd December 2005 Saturday

用文字爱着一个人,会是什么样子?我不知道。但,从决定动笔的这一刻起,我知道我会开始去感觉,去体会。为什么写这个故事?或许是因为我对她的感觉是满的,而当感觉满溢出来时,就变成了这个故事。又或者,我不知道用什么形式去保存这段记忆,於是我选择用笔写下关于过去,也关于曾经的记得。
是的,我写故事,也写对她的感觉。籍着写故事,我知道我正在试图寻找一个出口,也唯有籍着写故事,我才知道,原来我早就已经爱上了她。只是,直到拿起笔写故事的此时,我才发现,静静爱她,原来可以很简单,也可以很困难,就像为了满溢的感觉拿起笔时的轻而易举,却也像蹲踞笔尖的记忆一般,沉如铅块不知从何下笔。
她会知道这个故事写的是我对她的感觉吗?说实在的,我不知道,因为我不是她。但我觉得这个答案也不那么重要,因为我甚至不打算告诉她这个故事的存在,我只想静静地写着这个故事。
因为爱她,所以我写故事;因为想替感觉寻找出口,所以我写故事,写一个,名叫“故事” 的故事。

~<<我在故事里爱你>>的开头---Vela~

我喜欢这样的故事开头。超喜欢。。。。。。

Thursday, December 01, 2005

1st December 2005 Thursday

Haven't been blogging for quite some time. For those of you wondering where I have disappeared to (Well, I sure hope there was someone who missed me. =p), I have been busy with my Professional Attachment. Been running all over Singapore auditing firms. Well, maybe audit is too exaggerating. I am just doing some basic vouching. Anyway, been really boring searching for invoices, payment vouchers, debit notes and such the last few days. Don't want to talk about it here in case I bore you all to death. Haven't really been doing much so don't really have much to blog about. The only things that I remembered I did out of the usual in the past few days were perhaps the interview at Ernst and Young, the chocolate I had at a cafe with Cinder and the extra enthusiastic waitress. Wonder how the waitress could still remain that enthusiastic doing such a mundane job day after day. Hmm. Or maybe it is only me that can't stand mundane jobs. Hmm. Really nothing much to blog about so think I will just stop here. Boring guy huh? Maybe you guys could suggest some things that you want me to blog about. Just tag me.

By the way, I bought the SHE album. Haven't really had time to listen to all the songs in it. Been quite okie so far for those songs that I have heard. Shall comment more if I have some strong feelings towards it.