30th September 2005 Friday

Watched the nine o clock show on Channel 8 yesterday. The show was partitioned into many separate stories and yesterday happened to be the last episode of one of the many small stories. Decided to blog this down as this was perhaps the first time in my life when I pitied the murderer more than the victims. Really could feel her pain when she screamed at one of the guys for toying with her feelings. I guess it only takes one who has been betrayed before to really feel her pain then. The pain of betrayal. Think she is really pitiful. She has been octracized by the society since young due to the power that she holds. How crude could society be to put the blame on a person for something that really wasn't their fault. And when she has just began to get used to life alone, burying her childhood pain, someone has to come along to toy with her feelings and make use of her. Actually, what she wanted in life was really simple. Just a simple, ordinary life with a person to care for and have her care reciprocated. When has such simple things in life become so hard to get? Why do some people get all the things in the world while others couldn't even get the simplest things?

27th September 2005 Tuesday

I am getting increasingly disappointed with University life with each passing day. When I first started University, I had no idea that this will be the life that I will be leading. Let's start with the difficulty in making real good friends over there. I guess it is largely due to the school system. We get to choose our classes every semester which is largely on a first come first served basis. True that such a system gives us flexibility in planning our schedule. However, in such a way, you tend to get different people around you for every class that you have, not to mention that many don't even bother to turn up for lessons. In such a way, it is really hard to have friends consistently with you for every module. This makes the friendship building process difficult and it also means you are practically on your own most of the time. Some might argue that friendship could be built up through groupwork. But I will view such friends to be like a one semester thing. The friendship thus built up will usually be eroded during the holidays following the semester end and it will probably be dead by the following semester as everyone gets into different groups again for different modules and different projects. Admit it or not, it happens. I really do want to keep the friends that I find so fun to talk and work with but well, I would describe this with an analogy of Cinder's, doing so is like holding on to sand, the harder you try to hold on, the more falls out of you palm.

Another disappointing thing about my University experience is probably the groupwork system. True that it indeed opened up my world to a whole lot of different people and a whole lot of different view point, not to mention the amount of stuff I got to learn from my group mates. However, when you get into the same group with a whole lot of irresponsible people, it is really taxing and irritating. I will not elaborate much on this as such feelings are really beyond words. Those of you who have been in really lousy groups should know what I mean. When I mean lousy, I don't mean people who has insufficient knowledge or stuff, I mean lousy in the sense that they are irresponsible, do not keep to time, expects the whole group to act for his or her convenience and simply refuse to put in effort for the whole project.

Another thing to complain about it probably the quality of some of the lecturers. Some of the lecturers that I had were really marvellous but some are so lousy that maybe even we could lecture better than them. I seriously do not blame people from refusing to go for lectures under such circumstances. You probably could value add more by skipping lectures and doing something more worthwhile, like one of those never ending projects. Well, isn't that what we were taught in economics? People choose activites considering cost and benefits. So it is just a real life application of that. The lecturer can't blame us for utilizing what we were taught right?

The last thing I got to complain about the inability of the assessment system to measure what we know as well as the effort we put in. Let's take class participation as an example. Most tutors probably based class participation on class attendance and class attendance are practically taken by passing the attendance sheet around. This simply means that signatures could be forged or someone could arrive for half the lessons and still gets a whole lesson attendance marked. In addition, whoever did say class participation was equal to class attendance? Couldn't I attend a lesson and sleep in class? So I did participate by sleeping? You might argue that some tutors do take what you speak up in class as a gauge for class participation. But if they do that, you will find loads of people speaking up for the sake of speaking up, even to the extent of asking nonsensical questions just to make an impression on the tutor. But do you seriously think that a tutor having so many different classes and so many different students in every class can remember each and everyone of us, including what we said and not say? You must be mad to assume that. Another inadequacy in the grading system is taking group work into account. Do you seriously think the end result of a group work is indicative of what each and every one in the group know and how much effort each and every one in the group puts in? You must be crazy to think that.

Hiaz. In summary, only one word to describe what I meant to say today and that is "disappointment". The ideal world is but a dream that never does exist in real life.

26th September 2005 Monday

原来从最失落的灵魂里望出去的世界是如此黑暗的。就连一向明亮的星星也仿佛变成了一双一双蕴着泪的眼睛。一眨，一眨的，仿佛想要阻止眼泪的掉落。那颗一直给我希望的星到底去了哪？

25th September 2005 Sunday

因为害怕失望所以不敢希望。
因为害怕失去所以不敢拥有。
因为害怕拒绝所以不敢追逐。
因为害怕跌伤所以不敢飞翔。
因为害怕被恨所以不敢去爱。
因为害怕伤害所以不敢付出。
因为追逐快乐所以不会快乐。

25th September 2005 Sunday

My idea of an ideal world is one where everyone is blind and sees from their heart. In that way, perhaps you will have different friends around you.
My idea of an ideal world is one where people do things because they like it and not because they have some other motive. In that way, you can say what you really feel and there will be no such thing as hypocriticism.
My idea of an ideal world is one where it is always night. In that way, I could have the stars for company every single hour of the day.
My idea of an ideal world is one where there is no language and everything could be communicated in silence. In that way, you can only say what you really feel and you can even expressed things that words have failed to express.
My idea of an ideal world is one where everyone is equally rich so that there is never opression of the poor and everyone always have enough to eat.
My idea of an ideal world is one where the good really gets appreciated and goodness is never treated as something stupid, naive or dumb.
My idea of an ideal world is one where the entire world is one country, one religion and one race. In such a way, there will be no wars over territorities and no religious or racial wars.
My idea of an ideal world is one where an angel lives on every star and the rain are the tears of the angels when they cry over a demise.
My idea of an ideal world is one where you could communicate directly with God himself and receive definite replies from him.
My idea of an ideal world is one where friends are for forever and there are no such phrase as "an enemy".
My idea of an ideal world is one that is a dream and will never exist......

24th September 2005 Saturday

Been having late nights these days, full credit given to the various projects and tutorials that I have to rush. But late nights are not without treats for myself. I thoroughly enjoy the few minutes of peace that I get simply by standing at the balcony of my home, watching the few stars hanging in the night sky and feeling the cool night breeze on my face. The world seemed to be so at peace in the dead of the night and for once, it is in a state that I think it should always be - serene, pure, quiet and innocent. Maybe I think and feel too much but I really do love it that way when it seems as if you are the only person left in the world. When you only have the stars for company. I have always loved the stars. Find them to be real beautiful. But it is really the tinge of sadness behind their loveliness that really captivated me. Did you know that most stars are actually burning planets on the verge of death? As with all things that are beautiful, there is always a sad story behind them, whether you know it or not.

Enough of fantasies. Got a date with the stars and got to recharge my energy for yet another long project day tomorrow or should I say today because it is way past midnight. Will tomorrow be a better day? Maybe it will. But tomorrow never really comes......

22nd September 2005 Thursday

Been ages since I last blogged. Been busy the last few days. Just had a dumb Risk Management Multiple Choice Quiz on Tuesday. I admit that I totally do not understand the whole module but I am sure I am not alone. I probably have half the cohort with me, maybe more. Think the quiz was more a test of luck rather than what you really know about the whole module. Well, anyway, we shall not bother about things that have already passed and you can't do nothing about. It bring nothing but more worries to you and worries definitely doesn't help improve things. Think I will do something different for a change in this post of mine. My friend, Adrian was suggesting I do something like this......

7 Things that you plan to do before you die
1. Go to Japan to see the plum blossoms
2. Go to Taiwan and eat the specialties there
3. See and feel real snow
4. Meet someone I care who cares about me
5. Have a successful career and hopefully loads of money
6. Spend a whole night counting stars at some beach out there
7. Go on a plane for at least once

7 Things you wish you had the heart to do
1. Turn my back on the world
2. Tell my Dad what I really feel about him and what I think he ought to do
3. Giving my friends a piece of my mind whenever they do something wrong
4. Not worrying about people's impression of me
5. Following my heart and doing what I have always wanted to do
6. Scream at my mother whenever she makes an unreasonable order
7. To scream at the next person who praises me for something that I believe I don't deserve

7 Kinds of people you detest
1. People who speaks one way and do the other
2. People who conveniences themselves at the inconvenience of others
3. People who mocks at the fallen
4. People who smiles in front of you and stabs you behind your back
5. People who can't keep secrets
6. People who think they are above the rest of the world
7. People who can't keep the time

7 Celebrity Crushes
1. Stella Wong
2. Rene Liu
3. Fish Leong
4. He Yun Shan
5. Ryoko Hirosue
6. Priscilla Chan
7. Hebe

7 Things you love
1. The rain
2. The stars
3. The sea breeze
4. The sea
5. My CD collection
6. Music Diary on 933
7. Snow

7 often repeated words
1. Your head lah
2. Go and die lah
3. Errr
4. What the?
5. Huh?
6. Crap
7. Eh

17th September 2005 Saturday

十年后的今天遇见你 年少轻狂已远去
成熟稳重也保持距离 沉默里千言万语

时光回到那年夏天 公车站前你笑容满面
拍拍我的头说 你好吗？
一句问候填满青春 别人的话都听不见
岁月凝结在你的视线

我还记得那年倾盆大雨 狼狈奔跑穿越几条街
握紧的双手 为爱的不顾一切
我还记得那年你的声音 耳边回荡那一句誓言
你吻我的脸 都是我心中 收藏一生的快乐

渐渐我们都有新朋友 多久不再并肩走
忙忙碌碌看人生匆匆 忘记了年轻的梦

好想回到那年夏天 教室门前你笑容满面
拍拍我的头 说你别哭
考坏一次不是末日 未来还有很长的路
我们要一起去看世界

我还记得那年晴空万里 那一道飞机云的弧线
蜿蜒着思念 写下故事的总结
我还记得那年你的年轻 刻在从前最美的时间
在我生命里 你不曾告别 不曾走远

与你重逢前一个夜晚 往事在梦中上演
总要去体验 真实人生的残缺

我还记得那年晴空万里 那一道飞机云的弧线
蜿蜒着思念 写下故事的总结
我还记得那年你的年轻 刻在从前最美的时间
在我生命里 你不曾告别 不曾走远

~<<我还记得>>---梁静茹~

这首歌让我想到了十年后的我们。那时你会在哪里？我又会在哪？你是否还会记得我们曾拥有过的点滴？可能那短短的回忆对你来说只是生命里微不足道的一个插曲，但对我而言，那回忆将是我最珍贵的收藏。

16th September 2005 Friday

今天听了新传媒艺人曾诗梅的广播访谈。里头就有这么的一段深深的打动了我。主持人玛莉就在问诗梅她现在最想要的是什么。诗梅就这么的回答：

我要的就是很简单的那种快乐。就好像现在与玛莉聊天一样简单的快乐。。。

那句话真是说到了我的心坎里去了。试想想，快乐曾几何时变得那么的困难？还记得儿时，那么一个小小的棒棒糖，那么一个小小的橡皮擦，那么一个简简单单的游戏就能让我们快乐好久好久。这种最简单最纯真的快乐在成长的过程中到底消失到哪去了？是因为我们对快乐的要求变苛刻了？亦或是无穷无尽的烦恼是成长的不可缺少的一部分？还是成长换走了人类原始的纯真？世界不应该是如此的。

快乐应该是可以很简单的独自看着日落。喜悦应该是可以很简单的看着公园里的一对老公公老婆婆。幸福应该是很简单的握着她的手。满足应该是很简单的在快餐店里喝着一杯冰的薄荷绿茶。安慰应该是很简单的因为你曾经拥有过她。舒服应该是很简单的看着夕阳下的大海。感动应该是很简单的因为她的一句话，一个举动。世界应该是很简单的为有心人而转动。

15th September 2005 Thursday

你相信吗？雨是天使为某个不知名的伤心人所落的泪。今天，我漫步在天使所为我流的泪。好可笑的天使。好可笑的自己。好可笑的世界。

13th September 2005 Tuesday

What were you thinking when you asked your spouse whether he/she will love you forever? Are you looking for an insurance against a change of heart? But since when has love become a form of insurance? In my opinion, asking that sort of question is simply a waste of time. Consider this. So what if he/she answered yes to your question? Even if he/she really do mean it at the point in question, the future still holds too many uncertainties to hold him/her true to his/her oath. Besides, if there was love at that moment, does it really matter even if the love does not carry on into eternity? Does it? Perhaps it does. Perhaps it doesn't. Perhaps it doesn't matter......

11th September 2005 Sunday

一个人的生活也要懂得浪漫。。。
简单地为自己准备喜爱的面食。。。
加上“善待自己”的营养配方
一个人吃泡面。。。
点烛光。。。
加上自己喜欢的音乐。。。
享受浪漫其实很简单。。。
一个人的浪漫。。。
让孤单的日子过得很温暖。。。

9th September 2005 Friday

Just got in touch with a friend from my first three months JC days. It was amazing how we managed to get back into contact after six years. She belonged to my orientation group while I was at National Junior College during what people refers to as the "first three months". Orientation then lasted for around one week, or was it two weeks? I couldn't remember. Anyway, what I remembered was that our group was rather bonded even though the orientation period was so short. We were so bonded that we went out almost every week of the first three months over at Junior College. I still remember the stupid games that we played, sitting on the floor in Marina Square. I still remember the nicknames that we gave each other. I still remember the many jokes that we laughed over. I still remember the BBQ that we had at one of our orientation group member's house. I guess part of the reason for such a strong bondage was due to the fact that the stress of Junior College life has yet to set in since that period was still considered the honeymoon period of JC days. Another part of the reason was perhaps due to the fact that we all came from different schools and had only each other to rely upon in that new environment that we were exposed to.

I guess that orientation period was among the happiest times of my schooling life considering the fact that my parents were rather strict with me before JC, usually banning me from going out too often with my friends. Too bad that we had to split after the O levels results were released. Some of my group left National Junior College with me. But in essence, the group simply splitted up and we simply just lost contact with each other. Sob sob......

Guess everything does erode with time. Friendship too. All those rubbish about friendship will never change. It is not true. Somehow after meeting up with some of my orientation group members after that many years, I find a erosion in the bondage that we used to hold. I don't really know how to explain it but you could literally feel the difference upon recalling past times. I mean I still like them as I do during JC days but somehow I don't feel as close to them as I did before. No matter how I or you wish to deny that, the strength of friendship and maybe more does erode with time. Nothing is constant but change I guess. However, I am still glad as I am already luckier than many others. At least I managed to get back into contact with long lost friends that I lost at some point of my life. These friends also includes my primary school classmates that I got into contact with last year. I really do treasure all my friends even though I know I might have shown otherwise in some of my actions. I really do......

6th September 2005 Tuesday

It is amazing how the same lighted match goes unnoticed in a bright room but gives the holder warmth and light in the darkest and coldest of nights.
Will you ever remember the match that burnt out its life to provide you warmth and light?

5th September 2005 Monday

When we were young, we were taught many morals. Much of what we were taught are but paintings of what an ideal world should be like. This world will never exist. Never......

3rd September 2005 Saturday

如果流浪 是你的天赋
那么你一定是我 最美的追逐
如果爱情 是你的游牧
拥有过 是不是 该满足
谁带我踏上 孤独的丝路 追逐你的脚步
谁带我离开 孤独的丝路 感受你的温度
我将眼泪流成天山上面的湖
让你疲倦时能够扎营停伫
姜笛声 胡璇舞 为你笑 为你哭

爱上你的全部 放弃我的全部
爱上了你之后 我开始领悟
陪你走过一段 最唯美的国度
爱上了你之后 我从来不哭
谁是谁的幸福 我从来不在乎
谁是谁的旅途 我只要你记住

星星就是 穷人的珍珠
你的笑支撑着 我虔诚的最初
狂风沙是我单薄衣服
穿越过亚细亚的迷雾

云破日出 你是那道光束
带着平凡的我 走过奇迹旅途

~<<丝路>>---梁静茹~
试听：http://www.music98.net/rm/83410.htm