31st January 2008 Thursday

Haven't been blogging a decent entry for sometime and that is mainly because I have been doing nothing besides eating, sleeping and working for the past three weeks. Not that I am complaining though as it takes my mind off a lot of matters that I did not wish to dwell upon. Been feeling rather depressed these days. I have always thought that I would be happy and things would be good so long as I did things to the best of my ability, while keeping people happy. However, I am beginning to realise that I am forgetting the fact that I am not living in a fairy tale, a fairy tale where good people get appreciated. Well, even modern fairy tales would tell you that is pure crap ain't it? And there comes the depression. Anyway, on a brighter note, work does have its advantages and I guess outside of complaining, I ought to count my blessings as well. Alongside nasty people whom I have met during my short working life, I have also met some really nice people, people who share the same interests and even some who trust me enough to share their secrets. And I guess I ought to give thanks for these people who have made the long working hours in my line more bearable.

Okie. Enough about work and depression. Outside of work, I happen to be looking for this nice white headphone that I keep seeing in the MVs of Fish Leong's latest album and being a white lover, I simply love that headphone. I was told that it is an Audio Technica model but I have yet to be able to find out the exact model of the headphone. If anyone happen to be reading this and knows, kindly tell me k?

29th January 2008 Tuesday

Haven't been so down for quite some time. I mean yah, I have been down quite a bit these couple of years but not quite so down as recently. And I guess never have so many things gone wrong all at once. Well, I guess there remains a bright side to it - at least I have learnt to hide more proficiently under that mask that I carved for myself. But the fact remains that underneath all of it - It hurts. It still does. Very.

God. Someone. Make me well again...

27th January 2008 Sunday

Have you ever tried hanging on desperately to the only link that connects you, even though you knew that it was useless to even try?
Have you ever tried smiling to yourself and telling yourself that everything was alright, even though you knew that it wasn't?
Have you ever tried telling someone what you really felt, even though you knew that he or she would never understand?
Have you ever tried pretending that you didn't feel anything, even though you felt the world?
Have you ever felt so bad inside that you felt that you would die from it, even though you know that no one ever dies of sadness?
Have you ever tried explaining something to someone, even though you knew that he or she is not the person that you are really trying to explain to?
Have you ever tried blogging melancholic entries, even though you knew full well that no one reading this will make any sense out of it?

I have...

19th January 2008 Saturday

不知怎的，今天的感触特别多。一件小事便能让我感动好久好久。就好像刚刚在选择晚餐地点的时候，就经过了一座公园，看到了一对老夫妻正肩并着肩地坐在一起。没有亲密的动作，也没有说话，但幸福的感觉却满满的表达了出来。突然间发现原来在大家眼中那难得的幸福和浪漫竟然可以这样的简单。或许随着世界的复杂化，在追求物质和名利的忙碌中，人们已经渐渐的遗忘了感动和快乐其实可以很简单，忘了物质和名利永远都不可能取代快乐。

再接着走，经过了好久没来的超市。超市和以往过年一般，在门外搭了帐篷，以便放置为迎新而添的年货。突然忆起了好久好久以前，就常常在过年期间和外婆一起来这里的超市逛。不听话的自己有时还会因为人多，又热而吵着要外婆快点回家。突然好想好想外婆。好想好想回到从前，回到简单的自己，回到那可以因为一颗糖果，一包薯片开心好久的童年。算一算，外婆离开已经十多年了。原来时间真的能冲淡一切，包括一切的伤心。有时候会想，如果外婆没过世，现在的我会不会不一样，生活会不会不一样。我想大概会吧。至少伤心会减少吧。我想有人疼爱还是好的吧。

不知怎的。今天的感触真的真的特别特别多。。。。。。

19th January 2008 Saturday

God is fair. Each and everyone of us is bestowed something that others do not have. Similarly, we will never ever have everything that we want or everything that others have. Happiness comes when we learn to discover, appreciate and treasure thos that God bestowed unto us and learn to disregard what we do not possess......

18th January 2007 Friday

一天的尽头之后依然会有明天的日出。在了解了如此的循环之后，一切都似乎变得渺小了许多。因为你将发现没了你的世界依然会旋转。所有关于你的记忆会随着时间的流逝而被淡忘。所有的对於你的情感将随着每天的日出而转淡。在了解了一切之后，你将发现或许你把自己在这一生的成就看得太重，把人生看得太轻。

你真的如此重要吗？你在世界上不就犹如那沙滩上渺小的一颗沙粒吗？真的如此重要吗？

18th January 2007 Friday

Haven't been blogging for some time. I guess I am reaching a point in life where nothing interests me much anymore. Well, not that I have lost all passion for blogging but I guess I am no longer as eager to blog down my thoughts as compared to the past. Perhaps due to the fact that I am so confused right now that I didn't know how to organise what I am thinking into words? I guess I am reaching the point in life where I start to look back at my life and wonder what I have been doing with it and where it is leading me and where I want to go. And it kind of frustrates when I have absolute no answer to those questions. Not to mention the many problems going around that everyone thinks I am not bothered about but I can't say that about myself. Sometimes I am amazed by myself. How I could hide under that false pretence that those problems were non-existent. I guess what others say about a self defence mechanism where you start to delude yourself that you didn't care anymore is really rather true. Well, I sincerely do hope a self fulfilling prophecy works here for me. Well, who knows. Maybe God has a plan for me where I didn't have one. Pray hard....

On a slightly happier note, Pokka brand peppermint green tea is making a comeback and it comes in plastic bottles instead of cans now... =)

9th January 2008 Wednesday

Efficiency at an all time low these days. Starting to feel super useless these days. I need to wake up. I need to wake up. I need to wake up. Peak is here yet again. Wake up Peppermintgreentea!

They say shouting helps in releasing stress and tension. Since I could never ever learn how to scream in real life, I guess I could do with an online one... Aaaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhh~~~

5th January 2008 Saturday

My first post for year 2008. I was wondering what to write for the first post of this brand new year and the logical answer of new year resolutions came to mind. But I guess I will not make any bold or daring resolutions this year lest I be unable to realise them yet again like all prior years. I never am one to keep track of resolutions and realise them fervently and dutifully. More of a person who makes resolves on the spur of the moment. But at least I have learnt to acknowledge that fact. I guess what is important to me is to learn more of myself with each passing year. I believe that everyone have their strengths and weaknesses and life isn't about making resolutions to eliminate your weaknesses and gain more strengths. Nor is it about making yourself into the perfect being. Rather, it is about learning how not to fall to your weaknesses, nor allowing your weaknesses to hurt yourself or others and about learning how to exploit your strengths to benefit both yourself and everyone else.

2007 have not been a really good year for me and ended on quite a bad note. But I guess who doesn't have pain and as my friend G so rightfully put - "We all have pain. Every single one of us has pain but we deal with it. We swallow and get going with our life". May all of us grow stronger in 2008 and proceed on through the year as a stronger person. Life isn't all smooth sailing but do believe that these are but trials tha God puts in our life in order to polish us into a better gem.