27th May 2006 Saturday

Was pondering upon what to blog when I read SK's blog. She was writing about the feeling of being lonely amidst a crowd, about acting stronger than you actually are, about being rational, about how we tend to bottle up our feelings. That sort of got me thinking. Is it the amount of people that we are around that determine how happening we are? Or rather, is the amount of people around us the factor that determines how many friends we have? Or how lonely we are? I guess not. Sometimes, it doesn't take a crowd to cast away the loneliness that you so feel in your inner self. Sometimes, one or two really close friends can do that. Have you wondered why at times, you give up the chance to party with a whole big group to settle down in a small, hot coffeeshop just talking rubbish to one or two friends? That is probably the reason.

And regarding acting stronger than we actually are, I guess everyone does that at some point or another. I guess the society is just morphed in such a way that we are expected to do what we are supposed to and not what we want or feel like doing. Just like what Morrie said in "Tuesdays with Morrie" - "how we feel lonely sometimes to the point of tears, but we don't let those tears come becaue we are not supposed to cry". I guess it has something to do with both our ego of letting those tears come as well as the need to maintain a strong image in this society. Well, I have always thought that you should really be only yourself and portray your true self in this world but sadly, I am also unable to fulfill what I believe in. We hesitate in doing and saying things even when we really feel them. We hesitate to make a choice even when deep in our hearts, we already know which is the right choice. We hesitate to move because we don't know what lies ahead of the road. Have you ever felt this way? If so, then probably you, like me are but human...

Shall just end with yet another quote from Tuesdays with Morrie. Hope it gives you some inspiration in a way or another......

"'But everyone knows someone who has died, I said. Why is it so hard to think about dying?' 'Because,' Morrie continued, 'Most of us all walk around as if we're sleepwalking. We don't experience the world fully, because we're half-asleep, doing things we automatically think we have to do.'"