20th October 2005 Thursday

The weather is beginning to turn cold these days with the daily rain. Rain makes me sad but I somehow love the feeling of just watching the rain from indoors, feeling an occasional raindrop hit against me. Call me overly sentimental or a total idiot, but I really couldn't help but feel my mood change whenever it rains. Guess it is just me. Had dinner with a friend yesterday. Guess it must be the pressure and stress that has been weighing on me these days that I somewhat let my defences down a little and started complaining to him about loads of things. During our conversation, one sentence from him left a particularly strong impression. He commented that sometimes I don't open myself up enough. Well, he is not really the first person to tell me that so I guess it is probably true. But I am not really a person that will reveal the true me to others. Guess it is somewhat of a defence mechanism that have evolved in me overtime. Or maybe I was just born with it. I somewhat tend to pull back when someone gets too close to the real me. So if you think you know the real me, think again. How much do you really know about me? I guess part of the reason for me losing really good friends along life's journey is perhaps due to this pull back mechanism. Well, I don't know......

Sometimes I feel I am living in a world of my own but I simply refuse to walk out of it. Well, maybe I like it in there or maybe I am just afraid to walk out. I don't know. Guess I must be mad to come up with such a post in the face of the upcoming project deadlines and exams. See what I told you about rain affecting my mood? Rain.... Rain more..... Freeze me.......