11th August 2005 Thursday

I seem to be losing the focus of my life with every passing day. Just realised that I have been living life day to day, routinely with absolutely no idea why I am doing this? What am I aiming for? What am I doing this for? What is my final destination? Whenever I pause to think about these questions, fear starts to grip me as I realise that I am unable to even answer these basic questions. I mean everyone should have a goal to work for as a form of motivation in life. Even organizational studies teaches us that goals acts as a form of direction and motivation for employees. So what? Am I losing my direction in life? Well, come to think of it. You can't lose something that you have never had in your possession before? If my life has lost its direction, what was its initial direction before it was lost? I couldn't even answer that. It seems as though my life has been fixed since the day I was born and I am merely walking a route that has been mapped out for me. Aimlessly. Lifelessly. Accepting whatever that comes along the way, good or bad. Is this the way I want to go in life? If not, should I try branching off the main road? But what if I don't like the side road? What if once I branched out, I lose my way and never meet up the main road again? But if I stick to the main road, what will be my destination? Should I just wait and see what is at the end? Am I alone on this road? Why do I feel so alone?